


Sorrow is a Mindset

by knaveofmogadore



Series: Exploring Luke: Elysium character profiles [2]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: F/M, M/M, another elysium journal, found some more interesting tags making this, it sucks i know but here, really hope i dont find anything when i search for them, some mentioned some there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-29 19:03:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3907189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knaveofmogadore/pseuds/knaveofmogadore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lee is feeling a bit regretful. Michael is getting increasingly annoyed. Silena is a bit of a mom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sorrow is a Mindset

**Author's Note:**

> it seems unfinished because it might be. the second part was going to end up an au so I cut it off for now. I know it sucks but enjoy it if you will

I keep staring back down at a picture in my hand, blinking back tears. There’s no use crying over anything where I am. Ethan moved in with Luke the other day, and I suppose I should be jealous. After all, Luke has someone for him that I don’t, the old envy rule right? ‘you have something I don’t have, so now I want it’ was the way Michael said it. But back to the picture in my hand. It’s of me and Malcolm, the very day before Luke left. Both of our blonde heads were sopping wet, and Lou was chasing Michael in the background with a bucket. We were both smiling, my ponytail hadn’t really gotten past a bob yet and Malcolm needed a trim. Our arms were around each other, and while I was sticking my tongue out at Charles behind the camera, Malcolm was playfully glaring at me. 

 

A tear dropped onto the photo, and I quickly wiped it off. It was more out of habit than anything else, the photo is nothing more than a memory. What I had in my pockets came with me to the underworld sure, but since nothing was gone from the living world nothing physically came with me. 

 

There was a knock on the door, and I quickly shoved the picture under my pillow before Silena stuck her head in. “Hey sugar, wanna come down? Charlie set up a movie…” She must have noticed the look on my face because she frowned and moved to sit next to me on the bed. Cupping my face, Silena thumbed another tear off my cheek, and that’s when I lost it. Charles came up a few minutes later, and I was still silently crying on her shoulder. I heard him sigh and sit on my other side, and I only mildly flinched when he started rubbing my back.

 

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[

 

In a weird way, they sort of adopted Michael and me. He wasn’t here, but his room was across the hall. After Charles convinced his girlfriend; or his fiance now i guess; that I needed some alone time, i padded over and sat down on his bed. Curling up under Michael’s sheets, I waited for him to get back from bugging Ethan. I just really needed an angry pep talk right now. 

 

I heard him before he saw me. The door banged, he said high to the happy couple on the couch, and he opened my door. It wasn’t until he plopped down on his bed that he noticed me underneath his pile of blankets. Michael shook my shoulder, then felt around until he felt my face and yanked the blankets down. I just stared up at him. Michael seemed to be wondering whether indulging me is easier than dumping me out of his room. 

 

In the end, he sighed dejectedly and kicked off his shoes before crawling under with me. I curled until I pressed into his side and my head was under his chin. Even compacted, my feet were a few inches past his and it was obvious who had a foot over the other. My arm was slung over his side, Michael moved so he was hugging me back, with one hand playing with my ponytail. “What’s wrong?”

 

Yep, there was my brother, always direct. As I did with Silena, I just pressed my face to his shoulder. We laid there in silence until Michael opened his mouth again. 

 

“I miss her too. But, you know, sometimes the waiting makes things easier. After all, if he’s here with you that means he’s dead. You want him to live life to the fullest don’t you?”

 

A nod against his neck, and he started talking again. And he told me I needed to be quiet sometimes. 

 

“I’m sure he misses you just as much. You’ll see him again someday, you know that.” 

 

I sighed on his shoulder, burrowing closer. He gave up on talking, and passed into what we called sleep here. It wasn’t what it used to be, it was more like putting ourselves on pause. That sounded pretty good right now. 

 

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[

 

That part of my head keeps bothering me, the part that was...crushed. It’s not exactly an itch, more like a numbness. Rubbing at it has become a habit, one that annoys Michael to no end and makes Silena wear that one frown. You know, the one that moms give their kids when they know something's up they can’t fix. 

 

I’ve found myself combing that part over and over until it starts to sting. Another thing, why is it that the dead can feel pain but can’t bleed? Wonder if Nico knows, the little squirts been coming down here a lot. 

 

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[

 

I found a guitar. The first song i played on it was home, by mumford and sons. It was one of Malcolm's favorites, and playing has made me feel better than i have in ages. Sure, I’ve sang and we have karaoke nights, but this is an honest to gods acoustic guitar. It’s strange the kinds of things that can make your own personal paradise. Playing on this thing is the first time this place has actually felt like home.

 

Luke once mused to me that being dead makes everyone sentimental, and I’m finding it harder and harder to argue with that. Mostly because I think i know why now. Once you’re down here, in this world, you have nothing to do but think. The peace, it gets to you. When you can remember everything, but do nothing about it, that’s a hard thing to cope with. You can remember everything you took for granted, but there’s no one to mourn it with. Because sure, we all feel the same way, but about different things. Some of us have our loved ones here, and some never will. Some may be waiting, and others may have already moved on. 

To be honest, here in this moment, I still don’t know where I fall.


End file.
